I can't believe it's been a month since my father passed and two months since my father-in-law passed.
It still feels unbelievable that either events happened, but, unfortunately, they did.
I still have to remind myself at least once a day that I can't call or go see my dad. It's during those times that the sadness I feel is the strongest.
It is also during those times that my faith has been tested. I don't know why, but it has.
It feels like I was stronger the week of my father's home-going service than the weeks following.
I've wondered if I didn't have enough faith, if that was why my dad didn't make it. He had come through so many times before from different ailments and situations that I believed, even though it looked bad, that God would heal my dad and he would make it through.
Then I wondered that if my dad had made it through, how long would it be before something else happened? What if the next thing had left him paralyzed or with memory loss or brain dead? My dad would not have wanted to live like that.
Even though I know he's in a better place, I still miss him.
As I said before, I feel I was so much stronger after he passed than I am now. My faith has been shaken and I don't know what I should do next.
I've had a hard time getting back to my career in creative writing. It's so hard to concentrate some times, my mind constantly flooded with either memories of my dad, sadness or both.
I know he would want me to keep writing, especially since he always asked me how my second book was coming.
So, I've been praying for peace, understanding and that God will remove any doubt that I currently have.
Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day and I can remember how my dad once saw a photo ok Dr. King and told me we looked like him. I smile at the thought of that memory even as my heart continues to grieve.
Like Dr. King said, I have to keep moving forward. It's what my dad would tell me to do and it's what I know I have to do.
Please continue to pray for me and my family and thanks for reading.
